Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Two Years?

Yes, 2 years. Two things I know for sure, time doesn't wait for anyone and it flies. So, that it has been 2 years since I posted anything here, I am not nonplussed as I might have been in the past!

Much has happened in the past 2 years, happenings that add to the memories, good, bad, or otherwise. My dear Mother died October 12, 2015. It goes without saying that while continuing to be an integral part of grandchildrens's lives, caregiving also added to the time that I could no longer call mine. But, I would change nothing. Many of you know of my "standing in the gap" while my daughter got herself together. Although I did not provide the same challenges to my Mother, she nevertheless was always there for me--there were times she did not need the stress of going above and beyond. I am thankful to have been able to draw on that example to "always be there" for my daughter. I on occasion did things slightly different with/for/to my daughter than Mom a few times--as in the bark and bite being a lot more pronounced (lol). But, BUT, she daughter is a CNA now and has her own place with her man, a family in training if you will. I am proud of her efforts. I have 3 people under my roof (Khalil and Aiden still stay with me), down from 7 in a 3-bedroom apartment. If you know me, even if I lived alone, this apartment is not big enough for me (lol)!!!! Because I love my grandkids so so much, it is obviously easy for me to be taken advantage of but, BUT I am finding and including more ME time to do things with friends, etc.

In these past 2 years I found an old friend--gotta love that Facebook!!!!! It's been 40 years since I have seen him. I will see him the first part of December when he stops in Chicago during business travels to see his Mother and other family. I can't wait for the bear hugs from him!

I am taking care of an old friend. My husband is very ill, receiving comfort care in a 5-star Nursing & Rehabilitation facility. We have not been together for 13 years but are still legally married. He is the father of my children, my grandchildren's grandfather! I care about him and stopping short of another full time caregiving role am doing for him. I have to be able to sleep at night, look myself in the mirror and do what is pleasing to my God. Hubby trusts me enough that I have Durable Power of Attorney and Medical Power of Attorney. Sadly no one else is stepping up to the plate so I do what I can. Keep him in prayer. We don't know God's will but hubby will not get better according to doctors.

And sadly, I lost a new friend. 

As the song goes, And the Beat Goes On.....

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Not Too Far Into the New Year ~ 2014!

Happy New Year!!!! So what if it is 18 days into the new year (laugh). Better late than never right?

Each new year starts with so many hopes and promises to self. Then it all sort of fizzles out until I once again find myself gaining steam toward the same new promises to self at the end of the soon-to-be old year! Well this year, because it hit me like a ton of bricks just how I was NOT putting myself in the equation where I am also taking better care of myself, I simply took a deep breath and INCLUDED myself! That simple. Words! What about action(s)? I am surprised at how excited I am about doing so, having a calendar full of doctor appointments for what should have been the norm, not the exception. Thus far I have had the diabetic eye exam (my 10-year-old diabetic eyes are just fine, thank you). I have a foot doctor's appointment coming up (I will marry a podiatrist in my next life.) On a more sobering note, I had a thyroid biopsy done and that too came out okay! I will join a health club. Just a click of a button away on the computer. My new doctors have put me on another insulin regimen and just in the few short weeks my numbers are so improved. I was already 98% compliant with taking care of myself so I've had no real problems with my diabetes. And the coup de grace (or is it coup de gras? or does it matter?), when I get my dental work done, Denzel Washington's wife will just have to give him up. But then wait. As fine as he is, he did just turn 59. Nawwww, I don't want anyone as old as me.

So now! I feel a lot better about including myself in the equation. That can only help me take better care of the family that I am blessed with. I just saw a Facebook posting that goes something like this..."If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. If Grandma ain't happy...RUN!" Kind of sums things up here.

Saturday, November 9, 2013

How does one find the time.....

June, July, August, September, October, November???? Yes (and I'm really saying this to myself) it's been that long since I've posted. Sometimes you have to acknowledge things in other ways than just thinking it or thinking about it. I had to actually type these words. Put them before my eyes in this manner.

Those months have been a blur of activity. Obligations. Family duties and responsibilities. Not surprising since I am a member of that Sandwich Generation I read about many years ago in a Social Psychology class. The reality of such a role so not on my radar at that time. Those months have been a blur of care-giving duties taking Mom back and forth for chemo treatments and doctor visits, getting grand kids anchored into the new school year, planning meals and cooking, laundry. Oh and did I mention housecleaning? Makes a knitter want to pull her hair out. Especially when you realize the knitting time you looked forward to at the end of the day is not going to happen unless you make extensive use of lifelines, tinking or ripping back. Have you ever proceeded with a chart row.....wait for it.....below or above the one you were supposed to be on. Yet, as Maya Angelou (or Dr. Angelou...come on...it's an honorary degree) says Still I rise. Actually in my case it's Still I manage to finish a knit project or even a KAL on time. But believe me, it's not the norm!

So it's not so much a case of how does one find the time. It's more a case of making the time, even if it means only knitting 2 rows or pushing through a tiredness or knitting with grand kids around your feet. So more about what I've been up to knitting-wise next post.

Sunday, November 3, 2013

The Obvious

I wasn't going to, but I will state the obvious. Time flies!!! That's why it's been almost 5 months since my last post (sheepishly I admit). It is an understatement to say life is hectic; I've been busy. Not rocket science to figure that out since I am of the Sandwich Generation. I am digging myself out little by little and starting to find (though it takes tremendous planning) time to do some things just for me. I will come back and update with words and pictures!

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Nothing special, just a quiet Sunday

It's Sunday. Quiet. Peaceful. In large part because all four of the Grandkids are out with their Mother at the pool. A rarity. My only demand is that she bring them all back the way they left, breathing! I've put up with the noise that comes with four young ones waking up, eating bowl after bowl of cereal; helping Mom to get her day started, which is no small feat as her caregiving needs are great. But that's okay. She had a lovely breakfast thanks to Chef Me. I have spent (and am still spending time) time on the computer, Ravelry, knitting, etc. As I helped Mom get from her bedroom to her wheelchair in the living room so she could sit by the open window enjoying the breeze and looking out it hit me once again how far she's come given her health issues since November of 2012. She is still receiving treatment and recuperating but on a different road than one I thought given what she's gone through. She's a tough old lady!!!!

But before I continue on about Mom and her being the inspiration for this post I have to tell you I got sidetracked as I pulled up the Internet to add the photos I just took of Mom to my Flickr account. News items pop up on my homepage. Several caught my eye but the one news story that pulled me in was the article about the wing walker who was just killed in the horrific crash the other day at the Dayton Air Show. I wasn't content with just the written article. I went to Youtube and viewed several videos of the crash as well as the interview with the young woman prior to her performance. I don't know if it's a curse or a blessing to have the ability to have such news in it's fullest at our fingertips these days. But the fact remains that it is there and I won't debate what draws us to it, but we are drawn.

At any rate, I thought what would this young woman be doing this beautiful day had things gone differently. She has two teenage children. Does she have any pets or hobbies? What would she be planning for dinner? Would she be on the phone with her parents or friends or siblings? Life is short. It doesn't have to be a stunt-plane wing-walking crash to take us out. It could be anything. There's no rhyme or reason for my including these wonderings in this post or for latching on to Jane Wicker's story and untimely (in our human understanding) and tragic death (these were her choices). It is just one of many possible stories that could make me appreciate the simplicity and blessings of this day as I focus on my 94-year-old Mother still being here, in my/our lives given the odds that say she shouldn't and Jane Wicker should be.

June 2013
November 2012